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Day Two - Purge

Finding Flow.

Or not finding it.

I had someone ask me yesterday how I was able to move forward with so many things.

And I guess the answer is, I have no idea.

I do know that I am highly sensitive and timid and yet I am able to move past that and put myself out there. It’s uncomfortable, but I think that’s the process… you get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

There is also not one straight line to anything, there is no finish line, there is just a feeling that comes from hard work meeting good intentions and becoming something.

And most things in my life have been the result of years of hard work, unrelentless hard work where I have had no idea why I was doing what I was doing. I’ve created so many things without any thought of getting paid. Just doing things because they were burning up inside of me and I needed an outlet.

I started making really short films. And most of the time they had too much substance or not enough. And they didn’t make a lot of sense.

“And I think that I have always been ok with that.”

Once, I made a really good film and the secret with that one was not forcing it and working with what I had, being really creative. And then the next time I made a film it was a complete bomb.

And I remember someone close to me saying... that I might have to come to terms with the fact that the previous film might be the best thing I ever did.

And I never really said anything back to that.

I sort of let it enter into my body and live and ferment and shape shift into some sort of bacteria that probably had no place inside of me except to intoxicate. But I’m pretty sure that won’t be the best thing I ever made, because there doesn’t seem to be a best… everything is different.

But I think the original answer to the point of this post is that you have to take big swings in life.

You have to get creative (if you are creative).

You have to be prepared to find your line or style or your sense of what you are doing through exploring and seeing if you get lost blow up or stumble upon something.

I have snowmobiled for about eighteen years. And for the first ten years. I just bid my time. I didn’t take any risks to get better. I didn’t want to be a burden to anybody and so I just focused on keeping up but never actually ascending to a higher level of anything. And then one day I went out with a guy who said. Ok, this is your time to learn. We are going to spend the whole day teaching you a few moves.

And I remember being hesitant and scared, probably insecure and then I started to try. And if was hard and I needed more strength and skill. But then the next time I went. I got it a little bit more and then within the span of a week or two I had shifted my whole sled game. And through this new approach I had learnt a method that worked for me. Because I was a girl I had to get creative for making the machine work for me. I literally found my tipping point by falling over again and again.

And then, I think I realized that I am always wanting to share (over share if we are being honest) and then from that I was able to teach other girls.

And I always try to be mindful of not giving too much unsolicited advice. But I remember taking a guy’s girlfriend at lunch and saying... you’ve got this – I’ve got you.

And he said she had the best day and I think after that she went on to fall quite in love with the sport.

So yes, I guess the short answer is to put yourself out there.. but be compassionate.

And don’t force anything.

Just keep trying to put yourself in a situation where you will thrive.

I have been designing websites and buisnesses and things for people for the last fifteen years of my life but it’s only been in the last few years that I’ve realized I’ve had something of my own to cultivate and share.

And then I think when you find your flow state. You just keep going with it. Everything builds upon everything else. Oh, and that’s probably another post… because you do have to make sure that you are building on something solid.

I was listening to a podcast and they were talking about the flow state. And how if you are in one you need to make sure that you keep riding it because you won’t always be in flow.

Lastly, I think the biggest lesson for me has been to be try to be much more kind to myself. Because in all of this... you do need to treat yourself as you would treat someone else.

And on top of that.

I meditate, I dance, I enrol in courses and workshops and I talk to people at my hopes and dreams and I listen to Joe Dispenza every morning and I have this other song that I love and I sing it and I clap around the house to it. I live alone and I think that helps.

So I guess it’s all about finding or creating a space in your life to make things happen and that can come from a physical space, a mental space and a creative space. Usually it takes all three if it’s going to be sustainable..

I read somewhere that Walt Disney used to have three different rooms that helped him create his stuff.

Anyways my timer is up so I have to get this blog post up.

I’m liking this thirty day purge challenge.

I wonder what it will shape shift into next.



I found the Walt Disney approach here … need to refine my game here:

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19. Juni 2023

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